The Gender of Hay
You know how you can kill a poisonous snake and even hours later, if you move the snake’s body, a muscle reaction can cause it to strike at you? Even though it’s been dead for hours! If you didn’t know this already, you can thank me for telling you. Anytime now......... You’re welcome. It’s NOT a wife’s tale, it’s for real. A friend of mine killed a rattler, cut his head off, (thankfully) and a few hours later decided to move the body and as he picked it up, that thing struck his leg! Headless! If that’d been me, I’d have peed down both legs!! Seriously. That’s why it’s always smart
to cut a poisonous snake’s head off and bury it because your dog could pick it up and get injected with poison simply by touching a fang.
BUT.....this is NOT where I’m going with this article.....though I admit I DID get a TAD carried away with the snake thing. The reference I’m wanting to connect to this is, could it be POSSIBLE.....that just as a snake is graveyard DEAD and can STILL inflict poison......is it possible that seemingly harmless, good grass is cut down in a hay field, laid in the sun until dried and then baled.....that it can STILL MOVE and in doing so seem to seek out revenge for cutting it down? I mean, no matter HOW you handle hay, especially once the bale has been opened, it seems humanly IMPOSSIBLE to keep the stuff out of your hair and from going inside your shirt!!
I have tried carrying a few flakes at arm’s length away from my body, making careful sure it was held DOWN WIND and STILL it makes it down my shirt and inside my bra!! I’m beginning to think.......it’s ALIVE. And it’s mission MUST be to take REVENGE on anyone....(women especially) who dare to handle it. Laugh if you will men.....but every horse woman will stand at my side to pledge that what I say is TRUE. There is something SINISTER about hay unleashed!!
I also have a speculation about hay that it is male in gender. Not just because it seems to gravitate to the female body parts.....(don’t let your mind go completely in the gutter on me now!)....but ALSO by its obvious resistance to being MOVED! ESPECIALLY by us women! Hay can just wear a woman out of ALL her energy while getting so little accomplished! Sorta like trying to clean a house while a man is there. I try to move bales around and next thing you know I’m completely exhausted and frustrated and I haven’t even made a DENT in the hay. Exactly like how women work on the men.....with ZERO progress. If we women were fast learners....which we obviously are NOT....we’d learn to just leave the men alone in the area of changing them. I tend to think working on changing ourselves is the more profitable move. BUT.....the Piece De Résistance....that makes me think hay is male in gender is because anytime I’ve left off
getting within arm’s length of hay and then headed to a store, I would invariably find myself not even aware of the fact that I had hay down inside my bra until getting inside the store. Why is that I wonder? Once I’m inside it’s too late to go digging down in my shirt to find it and now I can’t shop!! I don’t even WANT to shop! This to me PROVES that hay MUST be male! And just like the old Chinese proverb has so wisely worded: “Going to Walmart with hay in one’s bra makes for a greatly shortened shopping experience!”
I rest my case.....hay must be MALE.